Toilet, what is this?

Because the title makes no sense.

Uh, yeah. I've got winter vacation. Been at home doing nothing until yesterday, when I left to town to bother Lizzy. We headed home to her afterwards ~
At her place we (more like she, I just sat there) cooked some bolognese-thing. It was yummy and there was a lot of salad. I didn't manage to eat it all, though. ; n ;

Uh, what else? We watched Once Upon a Time for a while while geeking around. In the end we got so tired we didn't know what we were talking about. Because we make no Francis, right Lizzy?

Oh! Oh! I finally dared to ask Xei if she wanted to be my girlfriend. >u>
Like, for real. She said yes, so I'm not forever alone anymore ~ <3
Fffh, I'm so happy ; u ;

Toilet, what is this?! >u>

New post I guess, yay?

Wow.. Now that I think about it, is there even a single happy post in this freaking thing? Oh god, I'm such an emo kid! D:

No really, this wont really be a happy post either. More like a "I need to get everything out" kinda blog.
So yeah, don't bother to read this if you don't wanna. (why do I even bother to say that, no one reads this shit. xD)



So anyway, lately I've been at a loss. I somehow can't seem to get my mood up, I think too much and this time I don't seem to find a way out of it. Ever had that feeling that no matter what you do, you're useelss? Yeah, that feeling's been lingering inside me for over a year now and it keep getting stronger.
I watch my friends going through hard times, of course we all do sometimes, but it feels like whatever I do I just make it worse. I hurt those around me because I don't watch my mouth, or I do something that others doesn't like. Yet I never know what it is before it's too late, it feels like it's impossible for someone like me to change.
My mind has also been wrapped around a lot lately. I thought I was a strong person who handled most things with a certain amount of pride and strength, but apparently not. My mood have fallen a great level, and my thoughts raised, ever since the house burnt down. I can't seem to get any art done, I can't write... I can't do anything. It's like I'm stuck in time and can't move on. At first it felt like I could deal with it, like it wasn't so bad you know? Well, maybe it was after all.

I have been recomended by my teacher to seek help at the school psyciatrist, but honestly  I don't feel like that will do any good. I don't like talking with people I don't know. Of course, I know I should talk to people more, open more. But for some reason, I even feel it difficult to talk with those who are close to me. I'm scared they will dislike me, even hate me, if I do. LIke I push my problems on them when they have it far, far worse. I mean, come on. I'm just a whiny brat, I have no reason to complain just because I have my ugly head stuck in the past. Also I know that if I do open up and talk, I'll start crying. Most likely, anyway, and I don't want that to happen. I hate being seen while I cry, there's a reason I only do it when I'm in my own room, or during night when no one sees me.
I guess I hate being seen as the weak one, yet I don't want to act like I'm all strong anymore. Because honestly, I'm not. I am probably the weakest person I know for not daring to talk with my friends, to not tell anyone when I don't like what they do to me.

To be honest, I don't have the rights to be down. As I said in my previous post, I have confessed to the girl I like. She said she felt the same way, and this truly made me happy. Yet, I feel uncertain about how things will go. What will happen? How do two people even get together? I mean, I am too scared to even ask her! I don't know what to do.

But enough bawing from me. See you all.

~ Ai

Because I have to.

People keep telling me to blog more often, so I will do my bet to do so. Today I do have something to talk about, though, so yeah.

Saturday the 28th of January my house decided to troll and burn down, making me and Kèrri' weekend a complete mess. We were going to go for a walk that day, but apparently the house didn't want to let us be healthy.  It started burning in Kèrri' room, aka my living room where all my game consoles and anime was, and it had spread around the whole house and burnt it down within an hour. So fun, yay. *sarcasm*
I wont bother to go into details how that day went, to say it like that, but I can admit I have never been that scared before. Strangely enough I managed to stay completely calm and joke about it, so I think it didn't affect me much. Though, I don't know anymore. Maybe I'm not so alright as I keep telling myself I am.

As usual I've been quite down at the bottom lately, though something really nice happened. I somehow confessed to my crush, and it went really well. She said she liked me back, so that made me really happy. I have no clue of what's going on now, though. Are we together? Are we not? How do we become together? How should I act to not scare her away? How should I talk? Can I be myelf? I don't know, I'm so awkward at these things.

Can't find my tablet pen, by the way, so I wont be posting doodles for a while. Besides, I'm not in the mood for drawing. I'm not really in the mood for anything.

See ya all.
- Ai

Ordered to blog more ~

Yup, Teci ordered me to blog more often, so I guess I will try to do just that.

... The hell am I supposed to talk about then? > n >
I miss my tablet pen, wanna doodle so I can COLOR stuff. I hate coloring traditionally. ;; A ;;

Oh well, no doodles from me for a while. Here, take an old, shitty background practice instead.

Finally an update ~

Oh god, I am so sorry for never updating this thing anymore! I keep on forgetting I have this blog. D:

Anywho, as usual nothing much is happening. I'm going to some conventions, hopefully, and I am having having some trouble with my depression as usual. xD
Going with Teci and Ailin to BanzaiCon in April, really looking forward to it as I will cosplay for the first time EVER. 8D
I shall be Italy from Hetalia, which I believe I have mentioned a million times before in earlier posts. > u >

Also, I am going to Desucon in July and maaaaaybe I'm going to LFCC just to bother Vic again. >_>
I have nothing better to do, so I hope people will join me there. It's the 6th-8th July if anyone wanna go with me. <3

Oh, going to Sweden with Kèrri, that's gonna be fun. I love her house down there, it's lovely ~

Hm, what else? I've figured out for sure that I have gotten a crush on one of my best friends. And now I'm scared shitless as I have no clue how to handle this. I've never liked anyone before, I mean, last time was when I was... 8-10 years old! That doesn't count, kids are young, they know nothing. So I am all new in this "having a crush on someone"-thing, and especially when it's a girl WHO is one of my best friends! D:
Thing is, I think she likes some other person. No wonder, we barely see each other. She lives across the country. About 7-8 hours with train, which makes it difficult to just visit her too. It costs money to travel. ; n ;
Meeting her at Desucon, though. That'll be great. <3
But really, I'm too scared to confess too, as I don't wanna ruin our friendship. Plus I'm terrified of being rejected. ; n ;

I'm sorry, ignore my whining! Sheesh, I'm not supposed to be like this, I'm supposed to be tough. Not some lovesick brat. >_>
Ignore me, it's just me thinking, err, loud. > n >

Over and out ~
- Ai

Quick update.

Hi you all.

As normal I have forgotten my blog completely, but I guess it doesn't matter. As usual I have no interesting updates.
I've spent the last time trying to work on my drawings, but I have cornered into block again.
Made a new character, his name is Julestjerne (though his TRUE name is the latin form; Euphorbia Pulcherrima):

He's a shy flower fairy, and "Julestjernen" (Christmas star) is the flower he is. He has a small form as well, his fairy form, but usually he keeps the appearance of a teen around... maybe 17/18 with bushy, red hair.

I'll try to have a more proper ref done for him.

He's a shy and timid guy who stays out of trouble, and he doesn't usually speak much. He is a bit childish and naive as well, but he always try to protect those he cares about. He can't fight at all, though, and he dislikes fire. He need water daily to live.


Also... Started to re-watch Naruto Shippuuden. I like the art style, alright? Deal with it.

- Sara

A little update ~

Oh god, it's been ages since I updated this dusty thing. As usual things aren't really happening, so I haven't been able to think of anything to write about.

I am currently waiting for my first proper cosplay; Italy Feliciano from Hetalia. <3
It's really exiting, I can hardly wait for it to come. Also, gonna use it at a convention in Larvik called BanzaiCon, which is being held 13-15th April. I'M GONNA MEET AILIN!! YAY!!
*cough* Anyway... *cough*
Have been doodling a little as well, though there is nothing interesting. Written some on small, different Hetalia fanfics as well. Working on some weird hybrid-version of "me" and "Teci" in the Hetalia world as chibies. It started out as a wannabe version of the Chibitalia style, but ended up with some new style on my own. xD
*shows preview thing*
Hopefully Teci will be so kind and color it for me. <3

Tried out some different styles, it feels like my art is starting to develop somewhere now. I still don't know how or why, but it seems like I am getting a lot of inspiration from Teci-chan. > v >
Again, I am sorry for running off with parts of your style... ;;

Other than those boring updates, the café me and Teci is working at during Thursdays are going fine. Though it is quite annoying that we don't get our money the way we should. We are supposed to have a firm system where we get about 200-300 kr for the ingredients we need for food, but no. Of course we don't get it, because the person who is supposed to fix it is too LAZY. ARGH! *rage*

Oh, and just a little fun fact-thing; Never listen to France's character song before you fall asleep. Really.
My grandmother woke me up this morning so I would get up in time for school, I was half awake, dreaming about something like me and Japan had to measure the symmetry of France. Idk. So in my mind, granny was Germany who tried to force me to train, so I screamed out "WAIT!! I JUST HAVE TO FIND THE SYMMETRY OF FRANCE!!" really loud. Then I realized what I said, so I went "... I-I AM AWAKE; SHUT UP! I'm c-coming.. Symmetry... Need the symmetr.. Symmetry? Why would I even..?" then I sat up. it was beyond embarrassing and I am really happy it didn't happen while I slept over at a friend's place. xD
According to granny, I had been mumbling about France for nearly an hour as well. Why HIM of all characters? Why not Prussia? ; n ;


... Have a free doodle I did in class just now.

- Sara