Yes, I am alive.

Sorry for not having updated in a while. I've been dead with personal stuff, like school and drawing and such.

Anyway, been working on a new character the last few days. I've quite fallen for him, actually. His name is Senshi Tsukitan, and he is an assassin. I wont bother to write his whole story here, if you wanna know, ask me.

But yeah. Been working on this fella a lot. 

Other than that, I've actually been to a convention! Yeah, I was to Banzaicon in Larvik and it was amazing. I had so much fun there, and I met so many amazing people. <3

I am looking forward to Desucon now, Milla and Kèrri is joining. Fffh. <3

More personal-ish, I've started to see a school psyciatrist. I still feel depressed, though, so it doesn't help much yet. I have my happy-moments, but they seem to appear more and more rarely. Usually I paste a fake smile on my face, though. It works more or less. 

I guess that is more or less it. Mom's going to England in a month for two weeks. Looking forward to have the house for myself.

Over and out ~

- Ai

That which is yet to come ~

Because my titles make no sense.

Today's the cosplay cafe, later today that is. Looking forward to it, though because of mom and the dog I have to go home early. Like, 19.30 today kind of early, and it doesn't end before 18.00 tomorrow. Damnit.
Oh well, at least I get to watch the Cosplays ~

It appears that Sabrina is going to Banzaicon as well, gonna be fun! :D
It's not far away now ~ Oh gosh, I'm looking so much forward to it! Though I doubt I will be able to cosplay anything after all... My Italy cosplay isn't savable, it simply enough doesn't fit. And I don't have a wig nor any form of contact lenses. Wanted to cosplay casual Prussia, so I was supposed to borrow a wig from Lizzy, but she sold it yesterday. ; n ;
Oh well. D:

Maybe I'll get myself some nice cosplay for Desucon - which Milla is perhaps going to as well. Omg, I'm looking so much forward to... everything these days! ; u ;
What I'm looking most forward to, though, is to glomp Xei-chan! <3

Anyway, got some K-pop from Milla yesterday. I am forever in her debt for giving me SNSD (Girl's Generation) and Super Junior songs! <3
*listens to Mr. Simple for the millionth time*

... Here, have some doodles. :I

 She has new hairstyle now :I

Though I don't care if people draw her with the short version ~ 

 .... I was bored and felt like drawing Ai and Yori. >u>

 BUTTWING <3

And a request from Xei ~ <3

WHAT IS HAPPENING TO MY DRAWING STYLE?!

Don't think I have anything else to mention at the moment. ouo

*sneaks to watch Naruto Shippuuden and download music*

This amazing title is amazing.

Hi y'all ~

Once again I am coming with a useless update, and as usual I don't have much to update about.

Tomorrow there will be a Cosplay cafe at 1880 Ungdomshuset in Bergen, which I am more or less exited about, yet I don't really wanna go. Of course, I have to go, I'm a host.

It's not that I'm not looking forward to it, it's just that I haven't done much to help, so I feel bad just thinking about the whole project. Lizzy has fixed nearly anything, and now I'm broke on top of it all, so I can't even help buying food.

But yeah, other news ~
Let's see... England is secured, we're moving this summer! Woohoo ~
Looking forward to it. It's so strange to think that I'll live there in November. >_>
... FFFFFF- MOM FOUND TICKETS FOR FINAL FANTASY ANNIVERSARY CONCERT NOVEMBER 2ND! YAY! Omg, I hope she's kind enough to buy it for me! ; A ;
Omgomgomgomg... I wanna go!

... Ignore me. >_>
Anyway, next update I will stuff some doodles in. Don't have time at the moment and I feel like posting this shit right now.

..... I should stop geeking Azer's deviantart. http://frzdragon.deviantart.com/
She affects my style. >_>

... See you guys later. <3

Anatomy? What is that?

As the title so gently describes, I have yet to discover what this so called "anatomy" truly is.

Anyway, done some doodles so take them. *tosses them in your face*

I... I don't know. I wanted to draw something Legend of Zelda-ish and ended up with this. Most anatomically correct shit I have drawn for years. Anatomy? What? Never heard of. >_>

And I wanted a new pokémon trainer. She's named Lira Irwin and she is a former ranger. >u>

Vaine Hollows, a rather new OC if mine. I've had him for months, but never had the chance to draw him properly. He's an asshole who is often sarcastic, he's blind and he sees through birds as he sold his eyes to a bird demon in order to save some person I haven't created yet. The person later betrayed him, so he doesn't trust anyone any longer. |D

Have a terrible sketch of Vaine that's non-chibi. Never bothered to finish it, so I randomly colored his eyes because I could. =u=--b

Getting into doodling my Hetalia OC Bergen, so here. Have this 10-15 min. doodle. >_>
I hate it, so why do I even bother to upload it here...?
Anyway, yeah. Anatomy? Propotions? I have no idea what you're talking about. Didn't spend much time on this shit and I was bored, so I colored it lazily. Very lazily.

I want a pillow like that... Just with Prussia's flag on it, or England... >u>


Anyway, maybe you want some proper update? I've been to our new house today. Yup, new house. We're moving tomorrow -again- to some place where doctors used to live. It's okay enough, but I've stopped to see places as home now. No where feels like home any longer. Meh. xD
If things goes correctly, which I hope they do, I'll be heading to England when summer break starts, meaning I will actually live in England when LFCC comes. Wow.. Surreal to think about.

Also going to get myself a female Prussia cosplay. Casual, though, I look like crap in unif- FUCK! D:
I just remembered! The lovely jacket Lizzy sewed for me! FFFFUCK FUCK FUCK! Prussia's jacketttt! Lizzyyyy ~ it burnt down! ; A ;
I'm so sorry for destroying it so soon! AGH! D8
And yet you fixed me a new Italia-wig. I'm not worthy of your kindness! ;; A ;;

Over and out ~
*goes and dies somewhere* 

Toilet, what is this?

Because the title makes no sense.

Uh, yeah. I've got winter vacation. Been at home doing nothing until yesterday, when I left to town to bother Lizzy. We headed home to her afterwards ~
At her place we (more like she, I just sat there) cooked some bolognese-thing. It was yummy and there was a lot of salad. I didn't manage to eat it all, though. ; n ;

Uh, what else? We watched Once Upon a Time for a while while geeking around. In the end we got so tired we didn't know what we were talking about. Because we make no Francis, right Lizzy?

Oh! Oh! I finally dared to ask Xei if she wanted to be my girlfriend. >u>
Like, for real. She said yes, so I'm not forever alone anymore ~ <3
Fffh, I'm so happy ; u ;

Toilet, what is this?! >u>

New post I guess, yay?

Wow.. Now that I think about it, is there even a single happy post in this freaking thing? Oh god, I'm such an emo kid! D:

No really, this wont really be a happy post either. More like a "I need to get everything out" kinda blog.
So yeah, don't bother to read this if you don't wanna. (why do I even bother to say that, no one reads this shit. xD)



So anyway, lately I've been at a loss. I somehow can't seem to get my mood up, I think too much and this time I don't seem to find a way out of it. Ever had that feeling that no matter what you do, you're useelss? Yeah, that feeling's been lingering inside me for over a year now and it keep getting stronger.
I watch my friends going through hard times, of course we all do sometimes, but it feels like whatever I do I just make it worse. I hurt those around me because I don't watch my mouth, or I do something that others doesn't like. Yet I never know what it is before it's too late, it feels like it's impossible for someone like me to change.
My mind has also been wrapped around a lot lately. I thought I was a strong person who handled most things with a certain amount of pride and strength, but apparently not. My mood have fallen a great level, and my thoughts raised, ever since the house burnt down. I can't seem to get any art done, I can't write... I can't do anything. It's like I'm stuck in time and can't move on. At first it felt like I could deal with it, like it wasn't so bad you know? Well, maybe it was after all.

I have been recomended by my teacher to seek help at the school psyciatrist, but honestly  I don't feel like that will do any good. I don't like talking with people I don't know. Of course, I know I should talk to people more, open more. But for some reason, I even feel it difficult to talk with those who are close to me. I'm scared they will dislike me, even hate me, if I do. LIke I push my problems on them when they have it far, far worse. I mean, come on. I'm just a whiny brat, I have no reason to complain just because I have my ugly head stuck in the past. Also I know that if I do open up and talk, I'll start crying. Most likely, anyway, and I don't want that to happen. I hate being seen while I cry, there's a reason I only do it when I'm in my own room, or during night when no one sees me.
I guess I hate being seen as the weak one, yet I don't want to act like I'm all strong anymore. Because honestly, I'm not. I am probably the weakest person I know for not daring to talk with my friends, to not tell anyone when I don't like what they do to me.

To be honest, I don't have the rights to be down. As I said in my previous post, I have confessed to the girl I like. She said she felt the same way, and this truly made me happy. Yet, I feel uncertain about how things will go. What will happen? How do two people even get together? I mean, I am too scared to even ask her! I don't know what to do.

But enough bawing from me. See you all.

~ Ai

Because I have to.

People keep telling me to blog more often, so I will do my bet to do so. Today I do have something to talk about, though, so yeah.

Saturday the 28th of January my house decided to troll and burn down, making me and Kèrri' weekend a complete mess. We were going to go for a walk that day, but apparently the house didn't want to let us be healthy.  It started burning in Kèrri' room, aka my living room where all my game consoles and anime was, and it had spread around the whole house and burnt it down within an hour. So fun, yay. *sarcasm*
I wont bother to go into details how that day went, to say it like that, but I can admit I have never been that scared before. Strangely enough I managed to stay completely calm and joke about it, so I think it didn't affect me much. Though, I don't know anymore. Maybe I'm not so alright as I keep telling myself I am.

As usual I've been quite down at the bottom lately, though something really nice happened. I somehow confessed to my crush, and it went really well. She said she liked me back, so that made me really happy. I have no clue of what's going on now, though. Are we together? Are we not? How do we become together? How should I act to not scare her away? How should I talk? Can I be myelf? I don't know, I'm so awkward at these things.

Can't find my tablet pen, by the way, so I wont be posting doodles for a while. Besides, I'm not in the mood for drawing. I'm not really in the mood for anything.

See ya all.
- Ai