Doodles and non interesting updates

Hey again.

I really don't know how to update this thing anymore, nothing is happening to me. Should prepare for a presentation on a song and an artist, but my nerves have gotten to me now. *in class*

Been doodling a little I suppose.

Dat spider, I guess. xP

- Sara

Uncertainties and other humbug.

Didn't know what else to put up for a title. Felt like I should update this thing, as it's been a little while since last time.

I don't really have much to talk about. Been sick for a week, having the flu. Not that anyone cares. xD
Tried to doodle a little, but lately my mood have been at the bottom. I'm stressed and I have too much on my mind, so I don't feel like drawing much. Basically I have grown tired of everything, and I don't know how much more I can stand. I don't even know why I feel like this, there is no reason for it. It's just... It feels like I'm tired of everything there is. Myself, my art, I'm tired of being tired, tired of not knowing who I am, tired of wondering about personal issues, tired of being paranoid... I'm sick of everything, hopefully I wont wake up tomorrow.

Anyway. Going to buy christmas presents soon. Hopefully people wont be angry at me for not getting them anime junk this year. Hehe.

- Sara

Art spree, much?

Nah, not really.

Nothing's going on today. I'm sitting in math class, not understanding a shit. My mood level is at maximum EMO at the moment, so I'm exploring Paint Tool Sai a little. *laughs sarcastically*
Going home today, will waste my little time free from exhaustion on Supernatural and Clannad otome I suppose. Perhaps some doodling, I dunno.

Sneak peak time~

Oh, the anatomy.
Will try out new shading and such, perhaps play around with some shiny effects, I'm not sure yet.
... Hush, I know the anatomy is way off. Ugh. Those arms.

Anyway, not sure, but I think I have broken a great friendship. It's probably for the best, as the things he is doing can ruin his future and me and my friend's as well, yet I can't help but to have this icky feeling inside. We had a rant out yesterday, and I have to admit to myself that I don't know if it's wise that I hang out with him anymore. Tried to talk with him over the phone today, but he kinda brushed me off and didn't say much. Is it my fault that he is doing what he's doing? I'm starting to seriously wonder now, I seem to have that.. depressing effect on people.
So I've might lost  great friend whom I have considered as a brother for nearly 4 years now. He saved me during, err, middle school or junior high? I always felt like I owed him my life, and now it's ended like this. Great. *goes off to die in a corner now*

Don't think I have anything else to say. See ya all.

- Ai

New steps into the world.

... Or something like that.

I'm currently finding myself in my comfy little baw-box, where I can relax with my stupid thoughts. I've been there for a while, and though it's a negative box, not everything seems to be bad. I've thought through things about myself, about my personality and style and how I want to change for the better. I mean, I can't walk around being all "baw, I'm so tragic, boooh" all the time. Also, I should start thinking through what I say and what I do, and also stop raging all the time.

So then the thought hit me like a bullet train. How do I want to be? Who am I, and what do I really want to do with my life? I have no clue, to be honest, but during the latest months I have started to feel pulled towards more feminine lines. I am more interested in shoes than certain games, I enjoy shopping for clothes and so on. Who would have thought that? I mean, I'm manly after all. I catch myself trying to fix my damn hair all the time, to make sure it doesn't look bad... >_>
I have no idea what's happening to me.
So I've considered, as I am starting to enjoy the small happy girly-things, and also gotten more interested in designs. (of course, it's not gone so far that I want to design anything yet, I just find deigns fascinating. It's not something I wanna do for a living, though). I should try to be more feminine. Perhaps I will get more lucky on the love font as well then. >///>
I mean, sure, I joke around about being forever alone in the future. But to be honest, it's not something I truly want to. (I totally sounds like some lovesick bastard).
Anyway, though I am afraid to admit this to myself and the world; I basically want to become a woman. A more mature person who is more secure of herself, yet I hope to keep my humor.

*cough*ThereforeIamgoingtotryapplyingmakeupatsomepoint*cough* it must be done.

- Ai