Finally!

Life feels pretty good at the moment, summer is here, I have figured out what I want to do with my art, I am becoming more social and taking risks I usually would be too scared to take.... Oh, and of course, the time for England is closing by real fast. Got a phone call from mom earlier, she was all "I'm in the house now, the contract has been sign and we have a key!". So we now have a house in Peterborough.

These feels, I can't possible contain them all.

My hair will be cut and dyed on Monday, after that I hope I can take a fairly okay picture of me which I can add in an application. Ugh, I hate having photos of me taken, I'm not photogenic at ALL. Not to mention how awkwardly bad skin I have. Bla-bla-bla, girl problems, I know.

Just now I got this really strong urge to cosplay something. Of course, because of my luck, I don't own any cosplay at all. I wanna cosplay and make a little video with someone. ; A ;

Other than that, it feels like my writing is going somewhere as well. Lately I've been on a roll when it comes to Lord of the Rings, so I re-wrote my OC Tuluwen's story. I'm really happy with it so far, as I feel like I managed to deepen my way of writing in a direction I feel comfortable with.

Last weekend I was also at Desucon, and boy did I have a great time! My next convention will hopefully be London MCM Expo in October, and I hope I will be able to go to NärCon in Sweden next year. C:
I WANT TO COSPLAY AT THE NEXT CON DAMNIT.

- Ai

So many thoughts, so little time. >u>

I AM DRAWING AGAIN. *shot*  No really, I am trying to practice a new style. It's difficult, but at last I think I know where I wanna go with my art. Also I want a new chibi style. The one I have now reminds too much of the style a previous friend has, so I want to change it. However, it's very hard. I don't know how I want it. D:

Also, Desucon is closing by and I am really psyched for it. I look so much forward to it! There are so many people I miss from Banzaicon whom I'll meet again, and I look so much forward to hang out with my girlfriend. <3
Unfortunately, for this con I'm broke as fuck. I will barely have enough money for food... |D

Lately I have found myself growing tired of cartoons and anime. It's strange, as it feels like I am changing for something that's not the "me" I am used to know. I've given a lot more thought into voice acting and acting in general, and it's something I am seriously considering. I have also given a lot of thought to who I want to be, and how I want to approach that change. I need to change. I want to be more secure in myself and what I do, and I want to be proud of who I am.

Past is past, I have to kick my ass in motion and get over it.

I noticed how conventions actually helps me in the progress of getting more social. Usually I don't like being the odd man out, after a hard past from school, but after Banzaicon I discovered how much nicer it is to just be myself and have fun. Gradually I am changing back to the "me" I was in 8th grade, when I dared to be different from everyone else.

As for the acting and all, I remember how much I loved it when I was in elementary school. We didn't have many plays, but I enjoyed that bump in the bottom of your gut when you're about to enter stage. I enjoyed it so much, I usually memorized the whole script. Hopefully I will be able to change so much, I actually dare to take acting classes when I move to England. That will be my main goal for now.

Other than that, I have been thinking about other things. More serious matters about myself. Don't worry, it's not anything depressing or anything, but lately I have found myself wondering "just what am I? What is my identity?". Giving it a serious thought, I still hasn't gotten to an answer yet. But I know with myself that I'm not a feminine type of character. Whenever I wear something girly, I feel... wrong in a way. I can't do it anymore. I want to be more feminine in a way, but I have realized that's mostly because I am still scared to be too different. It's not "me" to be very girly, but we'll see. I'll give it a try, though for now I feel more and more like a guy. >u>

New fandom indeed ~

The Avengers isn't healthy for me. Really, I've been thinking about like nothing else. Also seen "Thor" like... four or five times. And I've seen Iron Man three times. >_>

Tomorrow I'll watch the Avengers for the third time with Milla, Lise and maybe I-Ki. Looking forward to that, it's gonna be fun. C:

Other than that, I suppose nothing much is going on. Mom and Kjell is in England, been so for a week now. They're coming home on Friday, ugh. Or there's the possibility of only Kjell coming home. Hopefully mom comes too, I hate the man. I can't stand the thought of being alone with him for god knows how long...

Also I have to go and meet dad someday soon... Kèrri's tablet pen is there. Do not want.
Possibly I'll meet him on saturday, oh the joy.

Just wanna say I have made a blog for bawing. However, I wont link you all to it. xD
If you wanna find it, I bet there are ways to do so. The title isn't too difficult to think out. I just need a place to vent sometimes, and I don't feel comfortable doing so in this blog. It feels like I am bothering everyone by doing so, so... yeah.

Now excuse me while I go and watch Thor for the 6th time and to fangirl over Tom Hiddleston. :I *shot*

- Ai