Because the title makes no sense.
Uh, yeah. I've got winter vacation. Been at home doing nothing until yesterday, when I left to town to bother Lizzy. We headed home to her afterwards ~
At her place we (more like she, I just sat there) cooked some bolognese-thing. It was yummy and there was a lot of salad. I didn't manage to eat it all, though. ; n ;
Uh, what else? We watched Once Upon a Time for a while while geeking around. In the end we got so tired we didn't know what we were talking about. Because we make no Francis, right Lizzy?
Oh! Oh! I finally dared to ask Xei if she wanted to be my girlfriend. >u>
Like, for real. She said yes, so I'm not forever alone anymore ~ <3
Fffh, I'm so happy ; u ;
Toilet, what is this?! >u>
Wednesday 29 February 2012
Monday 20 February 2012
New post I guess, yay?
Wow.. Now that I think about it, is there even a single happy post in this freaking thing? Oh god, I'm such an emo kid! D:
No really, this wont really be a happy post either. More like a "I need to get everything out" kinda blog.
So yeah, don't bother to read this if you don't wanna. (why do I even bother to say that, no one reads this shit. xD)
So anyway, lately I've been at a loss. I somehow can't seem to get my mood up, I think too much and this time I don't seem to find a way out of it. Ever had that feeling that no matter what you do, you're useelss? Yeah, that feeling's been lingering inside me for over a year now and it keep getting stronger.
I watch my friends going through hard times, of course we all do sometimes, but it feels like whatever I do I just make it worse. I hurt those around me because I don't watch my mouth, or I do something that others doesn't like. Yet I never know what it is before it's too late, it feels like it's impossible for someone like me to change.
My mind has also been wrapped around a lot lately. I thought I was a strong person who handled most things with a certain amount of pride and strength, but apparently not. My mood have fallen a great level, and my thoughts raised, ever since the house burnt down. I can't seem to get any art done, I can't write... I can't do anything. It's like I'm stuck in time and can't move on. At first it felt like I could deal with it, like it wasn't so bad you know? Well, maybe it was after all.
I have been recomended by my teacher to seek help at the school psyciatrist, but honestly I don't feel like that will do any good. I don't like talking with people I don't know. Of course, I know I should talk to people more, open more. But for some reason, I even feel it difficult to talk with those who are close to me. I'm scared they will dislike me, even hate me, if I do. LIke I push my problems on them when they have it far, far worse. I mean, come on. I'm just a whiny brat, I have no reason to complain just because I have my ugly head stuck in the past. Also I know that if I do open up and talk, I'll start crying. Most likely, anyway, and I don't want that to happen. I hate being seen while I cry, there's a reason I only do it when I'm in my own room, or during night when no one sees me.
I guess I hate being seen as the weak one, yet I don't want to act like I'm all strong anymore. Because honestly, I'm not. I am probably the weakest person I know for not daring to talk with my friends, to not tell anyone when I don't like what they do to me.
To be honest, I don't have the rights to be down. As I said in my previous post, I have confessed to the girl I like. She said she felt the same way, and this truly made me happy. Yet, I feel uncertain about how things will go. What will happen? How do two people even get together? I mean, I am too scared to even ask her! I don't know what to do.
But enough bawing from me. See you all.
~ Ai
No really, this wont really be a happy post either. More like a "I need to get everything out" kinda blog.
So yeah, don't bother to read this if you don't wanna. (why do I even bother to say that, no one reads this shit. xD)
So anyway, lately I've been at a loss. I somehow can't seem to get my mood up, I think too much and this time I don't seem to find a way out of it. Ever had that feeling that no matter what you do, you're useelss? Yeah, that feeling's been lingering inside me for over a year now and it keep getting stronger.
I watch my friends going through hard times, of course we all do sometimes, but it feels like whatever I do I just make it worse. I hurt those around me because I don't watch my mouth, or I do something that others doesn't like. Yet I never know what it is before it's too late, it feels like it's impossible for someone like me to change.
My mind has also been wrapped around a lot lately. I thought I was a strong person who handled most things with a certain amount of pride and strength, but apparently not. My mood have fallen a great level, and my thoughts raised, ever since the house burnt down. I can't seem to get any art done, I can't write... I can't do anything. It's like I'm stuck in time and can't move on. At first it felt like I could deal with it, like it wasn't so bad you know? Well, maybe it was after all.
I have been recomended by my teacher to seek help at the school psyciatrist, but honestly I don't feel like that will do any good. I don't like talking with people I don't know. Of course, I know I should talk to people more, open more. But for some reason, I even feel it difficult to talk with those who are close to me. I'm scared they will dislike me, even hate me, if I do. LIke I push my problems on them when they have it far, far worse. I mean, come on. I'm just a whiny brat, I have no reason to complain just because I have my ugly head stuck in the past. Also I know that if I do open up and talk, I'll start crying. Most likely, anyway, and I don't want that to happen. I hate being seen while I cry, there's a reason I only do it when I'm in my own room, or during night when no one sees me.
I guess I hate being seen as the weak one, yet I don't want to act like I'm all strong anymore. Because honestly, I'm not. I am probably the weakest person I know for not daring to talk with my friends, to not tell anyone when I don't like what they do to me.
To be honest, I don't have the rights to be down. As I said in my previous post, I have confessed to the girl I like. She said she felt the same way, and this truly made me happy. Yet, I feel uncertain about how things will go. What will happen? How do two people even get together? I mean, I am too scared to even ask her! I don't know what to do.
But enough bawing from me. See you all.
~ Ai
Tuesday 14 February 2012
Because I have to.
People keep telling me to blog more often, so I will do my bet to do so. Today I do have something to talk about, though, so yeah.
Saturday the 28th of January my house decided to troll and burn down, making me and Kèrri' weekend a complete mess. We were going to go for a walk that day, but apparently the house didn't want to let us be healthy. It started burning in Kèrri' room, aka my living room where all my game consoles and anime was, and it had spread around the whole house and burnt it down within an hour. So fun, yay. *sarcasm*
I wont bother to go into details how that day went, to say it like that, but I can admit I have never been that scared before. Strangely enough I managed to stay completely calm and joke about it, so I think it didn't affect me much. Though, I don't know anymore. Maybe I'm not so alright as I keep telling myself I am.
As usual I've been quite down at the bottom lately, though something really nice happened. I somehow confessed to my crush, and it went really well. She said she liked me back, so that made me really happy. I have no clue of what's going on now, though. Are we together? Are we not? How do we become together? How should I act to not scare her away? How should I talk? Can I be myelf? I don't know, I'm so awkward at these things.
Can't find my tablet pen, by the way, so I wont be posting doodles for a while. Besides, I'm not in the mood for drawing. I'm not really in the mood for anything.
See ya all.
- Ai
Saturday the 28th of January my house decided to troll and burn down, making me and Kèrri' weekend a complete mess. We were going to go for a walk that day, but apparently the house didn't want to let us be healthy. It started burning in Kèrri' room, aka my living room where all my game consoles and anime was, and it had spread around the whole house and burnt it down within an hour. So fun, yay. *sarcasm*
I wont bother to go into details how that day went, to say it like that, but I can admit I have never been that scared before. Strangely enough I managed to stay completely calm and joke about it, so I think it didn't affect me much. Though, I don't know anymore. Maybe I'm not so alright as I keep telling myself I am.
As usual I've been quite down at the bottom lately, though something really nice happened. I somehow confessed to my crush, and it went really well. She said she liked me back, so that made me really happy. I have no clue of what's going on now, though. Are we together? Are we not? How do we become together? How should I act to not scare her away? How should I talk? Can I be myelf? I don't know, I'm so awkward at these things.
Can't find my tablet pen, by the way, so I wont be posting doodles for a while. Besides, I'm not in the mood for drawing. I'm not really in the mood for anything.
See ya all.
- Ai
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